my body is celebrating it’s freedom for four more years by shedding my uterine lining.

take THAT, republicans. 

my uterus is going to be the end of me.

and i don’t care how many times i post this gif in relation to my monthly suffering… it will always be 110% accurate. 

being a girl gets annoying.

as i’m sitting here fighting the urge to eat all of the chocolate and drink all of the wine… i decided to distract myself with something shiny.

i went to Brilliant Earth and started reading up about the company. i have to say, if i were ever the type to want a ring from a “ring place”, this would be it. also, i kind of made my dream ring.  only a smidge over $2k. yikes. time to hit that chocolate…

stupid thoughts of the day.

at work today, one of our usual weekenders was shopping and I ended up cutting her fabric. we got to talking and long story short, she used to be a model. now, this woman has to be in her late 50s now and nearing 300 pounds. something she said to me really stuck: “I used to be thin”. used to…? I NEVER want to have to say “used to be thin”. I want to say “I used to be out of shape.”

maybe it’s the monthly raging psycho hormones that are making me overthink this pointless statement from a stranger, or maybe my newfound desire to take better care of myself… but this has been on my mind all freaking day.

now I’m feeling like I should be more conscious about what I eat and I’m thinking about setting up a daily workout regimen. I never want to say “I used to be thin”. ever.

oh, hate me all you want for this. I don’t want to be disgustingly thin. I want to be healthy. judge all you want. take it the wrong way. get offended. no fucks are given on my side.

on a slightly depressing note, I have to make this stupid Facebook. and I really don’t want to. ugh. ugh. ugh. but! I spent almost 3 hours chatting with my Narmy today and I am going to bed in a good mood! goodnight! :)

weigh-in number three.

i’d like to start off by mentioning that my workout today didn’t last long. the little girl i babysit got a bead (yes, a sparkly green bead) stuck in her ear (yes, her fucking ear!) and i had to call her mother and take care of it.

anywho, last week i was PMSing, and i went over in my points. i feel so bloated. so, needless to say, the scale hasn’t moved since my last weigh-in. but thats better than gaining weight, right? i’ll just be more mindful of what i’m stuffing my face with in between my random sob sessions (i am a very emotional bitch when i bleed). but i also decided to start working out. so, hopefully that’ll make next weigh-in better.

has anyone else had a similar issue with weight-loss during this time of the month?

PMS rant.

I don’t know what it is about my inner-walls shedding that makes me become such a self-appriciating person, but it seems like whenever its this time of the month, i see a new light in myself and decide new and better things for my life.

right now, i’m looking at my current (nonexistent) relationships with certain people, and i am done. as cliche as it sounds, I honestly feel that i’ve been wanting someone else to love me so much, that I’ve forgotten to love myself first. I’m giving up on trying. giving up on my wasted efforts. I’m giving up on being hopelessly devoted to someone who won’t make an effort. I’m going to work on myself and see what comes my way. Taylor said it best: “I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.” - and i will. and i won’t be sorry. so, suck it.

also, i’d like to mention how i am not (as usual) looking forward to weigh-in tomorrow. i’m bloated. and cranky. and i want chocolate 24/7. and i want to rip everyones heads off. and my vagina fucking hurts.

how lovely is it that i get to experience two weeks of shark week?

too bad the second week is not on Discovery Channel.